Creepy Classmate = Late Night Professional

Classy Lady’s Problem:

There is a creepy guy in my class who insists on following me around and sitting next to me, chattering incessantly and asking me all kinds of questions. It annoys me but I don’t want to be mean. He notices every little thing that I do and it makes me super uncomfortable. What should I do?

First off, let me star off by saying there’s probably nothing you can do. Why? Because it sounds like your real problem is that you’re a super-fine smokin’ hot piece of GITCHY GOOTCHY GA-GA-GA!

But honestly, let’s get serious for a second.

Personally, I say you better start paying attention to this lad, because I am almost 99% sure he’s going to become a talk show host.

Don’t believe me? Well, I don’t know what else to say besides “You’re wrong”. Let’s run through the “Creepy Guy Might Be a Future Talk Show Host” checklist, shall we?

Creepy Looking?

Check.

As both a professional problem-solver and a world-renowned late-night band leader, I know what these guys look like…and it ain’t pretty.

Conan. Jimmy. Dave. None of these guys are going to appear shirtless on the cover of a trashy romance novel any time soon. It’s their carefully worded monologues, nutty pet tricks,  and biting remarks on the latest political and pop culture shenanigans  (especially anything involving Oprah) that will get you swooning.

Chattering incessantly?

Oh you better believe that’s a check.

A long-winded chat is absolutely essential time filler to a talk show host, and a very important part of the job.

Asking you all kinds of questions? Noticing every little thing you do?

Double check.

It’s all part of the game, m’lady. Obviously, this guy’s got a hot young team of writers, researchers, and interns that’s chomping at the bit to find out what makes you tick. Not only should you feel flattered, but you should commend this man for having such an excellent staff on hand.

Personally, it sounds like the classroom is not the best venue for this guy. What this young man needs is a hip set and energetic studio audience and he’ll be charming the pants off of you and dozens of other sexy leading ladies once the curtains open immediately following your local 10 o’clock news.

If you look deep into his heart, you’ll soon discover that he is both a passionate lover and a bonafide entertainment professional. And that’s that.

PS:  If he’s looking for an enthusiastic young band leader, please have him contact me at ivorytickler@kaptainmakesithappen.com

Also, I know how tough those tuition payments can be, and if you’re hurting, I’d be glad to help in any way possible (ex. sex for money). Ivories aren’t the only thing I tickle. Just puttin’ it on the table.

Love,

The Kaptain