Beck M. – writes:
My uncle who’s 63 (or close) told me he wants to move to Florida real bad but my aunt won’t go for it because her kids and grandkids live here. How would you either 1. convince her to move or 2. convince him that living his later years in PA isn’t that bad? 
An interesting dilemma to be sure. Go to the “Sunshine State” where old people go to die, or remain in the “Keystone State” where old people become burdens to their children and then die. 63 is not that old though, so depending on how many packs of cigarettes a day they smoke or hits of meth they take, they should live for another few decades at least*
Both relatives have a valid case. Florida is totally tubular. It has: Disney World, Lebron James, and Alligators; all awesome things. However; Florida also has: ball sweat, giant mosquitoes, and Lebron James; all irritating things. The other factor you mention is the children. Children and grandchildren are alright I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing.
To research possible effects on the children, I watched a few episodes of a documentary called Seinfeld, in which it is revealed that the main protagonist (called Jerry) lives in the northeast but has parents that live in Florida. The situation yielded wacky yet successful results (although, there were some unfortunate circumstances surrounding a pen that writes upside down).
It is important for your aunt to understand that Florida is not some mythical place where those that travel to it can never return or be visited. It is also important for your uncle to understand that; on a map, Florida looks like America’s penis and that would mean; in a way, he would be like a tiny sperm waiting to impregnate Cuba (or at least give it a pearl necklace). So there is that insane rambling to take into consideration as well.
Florida is nice for the aged, but Pennsylvania is a great place to grow old too. It is full of semi-clean air and wonder! Your aunt and uncle can drive to Amish country to mock their foolhardy ways or read the periodicals at the library as olds are wont to do. Pennsylvania also has many exciting activities to keep them on their toes; because there is plenty of heart attack inducing snow shoveling to be done as well as a plethora of fine street gangs that prey specifically on the elderly.
The children/grandchildren possibly have some sort of emotional connection to their parents/grandparents so they would probably want them to stay in case one of them needs an organ transplant or something (that’s what families are for, right?). But the choice is your Aunt and Uncle’s to make. So if your aunt wants to stay with her kids and grandkids to shoot hoops or build a dune-buggy or something, that is fine. Or if your uncle wants to wrestle alligators, punch Mickey Mouse in the balls, or stare at beautiful topless Cuban women on South Beach, than far be it from me to stand in the way of that.
-Harry
*or they could die tomorrow; I don’t know, I’m not God.
REAL PROBLEMS 