pjman8585 – writes:
Why do unattractive, overweight women decide to wear tight clothes that just make them even more unattractive and just wrong looking? Why don’t their friends or families stop them? 
REAL PROBLEMS fields numerous questions about weight issues for some reason. So before an army of girth-challenged citizens starts picketing outside of our offices* let me just state that REAL PROBLEMS is not opposed to obese people in any way, because they make up a large section of our fan base (large, get it!). Seriously though, we have no beef with extremely heavy people (because they eat it all!). We are different from other comedy websites that mock the ultra-fat because they are easy targets (because they’re so big!) Damn it, I can’t stop! Okay, deep breath…
There is really nothing wrong with being overweight.
This question however, is more about presentation than causation and it is one that has preoccupied scientists and philosophers for years. The key to this problem is a lack of self awareness. If a person is not aware of the fact that eating their eighth royale with cheese** of the day is going to increase their waistline, than that same person will definitely be unaware of the fact that the child’s size yoga pants they are wearing are making their legs look like enormous sausage links.
If lack of self awareness is the key to the problem, than the lock will most assuredly be spandex. 0.0001% of the population looks good in spandex. This percentage includes superheroes, strippers, and strippers that are also superheroes, that is all.
I don’t know why friends and family members allow their loved ones to go out in public looking like a 30 gallon hefty bag stuffed with 80 gallons of silly putty. Perhaps the friends and family are upset from the high grocery bills or maybe they are physically unable to stop them because of sheer momentum and size. We may never know. We must act now to stop it though, because spandex is not indestructible, and when those leggings burst off of a 400 pound ass, they will travel at a lethal velocity. Next time you see a loved one about to leave the house looking like the stay-puft marshmallow man, let them know that shrink wrapping their gargantuan butt is pretty much the least flattering thing a person can do.
The majority of overweight people in our society dress and carry themselves with poise and dignity. The minority that thinks that stretch pants don’t make them look like walking sack of potatoes, needs a reality check.
-Harry
*if they can get up off the couch
**International verbiage for a Quarter Pounder provided by Vincent Vega
REAL PROBLEMS 